An Empty Cup: 6 Steps to Make Space for Yourself
You can't pour from an empty cup… but what if your cup were filled with rocks that you unintentionally allowed to fall in? Then your cup is even heavier and there's less room for you to fill it with what you truly need.
The metaphor of the empty cup is usually about taking care of ourselves by refueling. However, without recognizing the ways we've unintentionally assumed responsibility for things that weigh us down (aka dealing with other’s expectations for us, toxic behavior from other people), we will constantly be in short supply of energy that we can pour life into the things that matter to us.
In the process of taking care of ourselves, it's important to periodically check-in to see if you have any proverbial rocks in your cup and take the time to clear them.
Here are 6 steps to make space for yourself:
1. Complete a brain dump
Take 10 minutes and write non-stop about the things that have been causing you stress and concern. Use the whole time to do a brain dump and make sure to write without judgement.
2. Organize your thoughts
Read through your brain dump and label each item following categories:
Things not in my control to change
Things I don't want to/shouldn't care about
Things I want to and have power to change
3. Let go of everything that isn't in your control or that you don't want to care about
Taking everything you labeled as "things not in my control" and "things I don't want to care about", decide how you will let go of these things from. It could be as simple as seeing them on the page and telling yourself that you're done with them. Others could require you to put a plan in place to cut your ties to those worries. This will take practice and time.
4. Create an action plan for the things you want to and have the power to change
Put the remaining items on your list in order of priority. We recommend prioritizing the items that will have the highest level of positive impact to your overall wellbeing. Take the first 1-2 items and list tangible actions that you can take to positively change what's causing stress. We recommend breaking down those actions to bite size actions (takes 30 minutes or less to complete). Write down 3-5 actions you can take this week in a post-it note and display it visibly as a reminder to take action.
5. Take daily action
Everyday, use at least 30 minutes of your day to take action on one of the things you listed in step 4. Once you feel like you can replace or take on additional actions, refresh your list.
6. Check-in and refresh periodically
Every month or so (whatever cadence feels right for you), reflect on the ways you've made progress and celebrate those wins. Revisit your list and assess if your plans are still relevant. If not, start from step 1 and repeat the process.
To further explore your emotions, download Lacuna’s Guide to What Your Feelings May Be Telling You here